What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
NoShamevember. You game?
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Randomize
