My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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