My hair reeks of homosexuality.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Randomize
