so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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