Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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