Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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