so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
