And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
