bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
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