That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
