they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
