hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Randomize
