So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
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curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
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I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
All the doctor said was why
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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