So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
