so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
