it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize