If i come over, it means nothing
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
