I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
