i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
