Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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