Those balls look pretty dangerous.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.