between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
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Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
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FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.