He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
