Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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