you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
