i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
this boner is exhausting
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
