the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Randomize
