She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
