haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Randomize
