guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
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