these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
