My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize
