we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
