She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
