he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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