we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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