You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
