Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
