I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
