He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Randomize
