Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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