Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Randomize
