my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
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