turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
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And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
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Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
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