i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
