i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
