Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
