He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Randomize
