i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize