I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
