i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
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