Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
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