Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
