I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
