And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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