when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Randomize
