You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
If I die, sorry about rent.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
