shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
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