I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Randomize
