Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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