I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
