I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
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