Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
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