This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
