i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
