I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
