Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
