Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
