you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
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