Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I need a burrito and a hug.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
