I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize