Your face is a jimmy john
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I would fuck him just for his dog
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
